Saturday, April 26, 2014

And The Winners Are ...

This shameless image of a kitten reflects my general state these last four days after I turned in the last of my three term papers for this semester of grad school.   Almost 20,000 words of highfalutin nonsense and verbiage.   Kitten is tired.   


However, I’m reasonably recovered and while I am quite late in getting to the caption contest (I think I had promised results on Easter Monday) my charming assistants, Madame Padre and Stanley the Wonder Cat, have done the draws

The winners of the three random draws are:

1)  The winner of the $40 gift certificate from J&M Miniatures is CJR, owner of the TwoThreeSixMM blog.  Congratulations CJR!  Please email me offline at madpadre (@) gmail (dot) com.


2) The winner of this handsome adventurer chap is Joakim Strom, The Miniature Man.   Joakim, email me at madpadre (@) gmail (dot) com if you want him unpainted or if you want him painted with your specifications.

3) The winner of Beregond is Baconfat, owner of Baconfat Log.  Monsieur Baconfat, please email me at madpadre (@) gmail (dot) com and let me know if you want Beregond painted or unpainted.

Right, and now for the really, super-exciting bit.  There was a fabulous mystery prize for the funniest and cleverest caption or dialogue, as chosen by myself, Stanley, and Ms. Padre. 

Several of the entries were very clever and several came very close.  


The Lowry cartoon had some very imaginative entries.   We really liked Peter Douglas’ entry: “You think he could’ve picked a better time to meet with his analyst.  At some point he has to stop compensating for little man issues.”  That was actually very similar to the original Lowry caption, “We’re in deep trouble now, he’s begun to have doubts about whether he really is Napoleon”.


The Samurai and Oktoberfest Fraulein image inspired a lot of cleverness around heads on beer.   However, one that made us laugh because it was different, especially after I’d just seen the Noah film, was from Chris Stoesen: “O, Daughter of Herodias, I bring you the head of John the Baptist … Ummm. Mr. Aronofsky, are you sure these are period costumes?”   Well done, Chris.


However, the one that we all enjoyed the most was one of the entries for the German Aviatrix and Resistance Femme.   There were several references to Allo! Allo! and, Ms. Padre thought, more than enough references to big bottoms.   The one that made us all laugh, though was from one of our favourite Kiwis, Archduke Piccolo:   “Nice going; there’ll be no finding much of that duck, now!”  We loved that entry for several reasons.   First, it was original, and amusing to think of these two characters out hunting together.  Second, it made us laugh to think of the French girl shooting a duck with a Schmeisser, and it perfectly matched the annoyed look on the German lady’s face.

So, milord Archduke, congratulations.  You’ve one the super mystery prize.    This is a rubbish photo, but the prize is this 28mm Foundry figure, which sort of looks like a cross between St. Nicholas and the leader of a Viking war band.  I was thinking of painting him up in Santa red and white, unless you’d like him in different colours, or unpainted.  Let me know.   I hope that’s an agreeable.   

So thank you all who played this competition, it was a lot of fun for me and I enjoyed everyone’s creativity and humour.   

I look forward to posting here more often now, and to having more time to paint and play, now that those papers are off my back.

Blessings to your brushes and die rolls!   MP+

Monday, April 21, 2014

Caption Contest Entries

So it’s Easter Monday and the captions are in.  I am still bashing away at my last grad paper for this term, so I haven’t had time to do any judging or drawing or anything clever like that.  However, you can enjoy all the clever entries.   More to follow.   MP+




%$&#! armchair generals!”  - Jonathan Frietag

“Does it look like snow” - Francis Lee

“… and the last rule to be educed in this treatise on the art of war is never to allow yourself to be distracted by such things as dictating a treatise on the art of war in the midst of a bat ….   Mon Dieu!  Merde!  The Old Guard et recule!  Merde!  Mon Dieu! - Tamsin P

“I don’t know about these Russian Winters - I’ve seen Spring in Ontario!” - Edwin King

“Bloody typical!  We burn the city while the generals sit on their arse.”  - Lasgunpacker

“Oh yeah!  We have to travel in coach with a $20 per day per diem but he gets first class and the good wine list.  Life is just so fair.”  - Chris Stoesen  (hmm - did you mean “unfair”, Chris? - MP)

“Someone in the crowd to someone else in the crowd:  “He prefers painted 28mm to us scribbly chaps you know.” - Pete Garnham

“I can’t believe we’re waiting around for his bleedin’ Lordship to order his breakfast again!!!” - Ray Rousell

“You think he could’ve picked a better time to meet with his analyst.  At some point he has to stop compensating for little man issues.” - Peter Douglas

“There’s that madman again, always asking Boney how many buttons are on his sleeves or what colours our jackets are for his book, claiming it’ll be worth a fortune in 200 years.” - CJR
“See the bloody world, he said, all I have done is walk and now he is sitting down.  I bet he will say, 'An Army marches on its stomach’,  look he flipping did, that’s it I am off to find Wellington.” - Panzer Kaput
“Today’s quote .. What about ‘A true man hates everyone?”  No?  Won’t look good in the history books?  That’s stupid!  It’s what I feel, I tell you.  What do you think I’m doing here?!  Not proper, ha!  As if you could make it better.  Stupod biographer …”  - Joakim Strom
“These after-battle team photo shoots are a real drag, don’t you reckon?”  - Archduke Piccolo
“What time does he get here to get a seat in the front row?”  - Dave Docherty
“That went well, you know we should invade Russia next.” -  Baconfat
“He’s checking the rules - if we don’t get the bonus for moving in column, we could be here all week.”  - Conrad Kinch
“You have to get here early for a good seat.” - Anonymous
“Look here Corporal, I know I said 28mm …” - Andrew Myatt


“We are ALWAYS cleaning up after the men!” - Jonathan Freitag

“I shall say this only once … drop the pistol and your hat!”  - Francis Lee

“Hey, Boche!  How come you get to stand with your feet at a comfortable angle?” - Tamsin P

“Don’t you think we’re over-dressed for this wargaming lark?” - Edwin King

“What do you mean that you will not salute der Fuhrer?  And after all he has done for France.” - Lasgunpacker

“Excuse me miss!  Do you know how to unjam a submachine gun”  - Chris Stoesen

Frog to Kraut:  “Take that, Sausage Muncher!” - Pete Garnham

“Duz my bum look bikg in zis?” - Ray Rousell

“Stop - I am arresting you for fashion crimes.  Zhose boots are so 1939!” - Peter Douglas

“You half von sis time, fraulein.”  “No soup for you!” - CJR

“What wrong don’t you think my outfit works? Do you?”  - Panzer Kaput

“What do you mean, ‘Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once?’?”  - Joakim Strom

“Nice going: there’ll be no finding much of that duck, now!”  - Archduke Piccolo

For Mrs. Fritz the war is over. - Dave Docherty

“If you say, ‘Whoever smelt it first, dealt it', one more time ..”  - Baconfat

“Liebchen, brown shoes with that hat?” - Conrad Kinch

“Resistance is futile.” - Anonymous
“To be honest Helga … it does look big in that.” - Andrew Myatt
Hands up, unless you want me to give you a different set of wings. - Byron Michenfelder


“I asked if you wanted a head on your beer NOT a beer for your head!” - Jonathan Frietag

“Look at the head on this Fraulein!”  - Francis Lee

“Mein Herr!   When I said this beer needed a head, this was not what I meant!” - Tamsin P

“What do you mean that Peckinpah is [the Analogue Hobbies Challenge theme for] 2014?  I’ve just brought you the Head of Alfredo Garcia!” - Edwin King

“Oooh, you wanted me to cut the head of FOAM off …. well now I am embarrassed.”  - Lasgunpacker

“O, Daughter of Herodias, I bring you the head of John the Baptist … Ummm, Mr. Aronofsky, are you sure these are period costumes?”  - Chris Stoesen

Babe to SamuraiL “Funny, I’m normally the one giving head.” - Pete Garnham

“Congratulations!  You’ve done what 83 Burmese couldn’t do … you killed John Rambo!” - Ray Rousell

“Stop - I am arresting you for fashion crimes.  Zhose boots are so 1939!” - Peter Douglas

“I always prefer my beer with a head!” - Peter Douglas

“You samurai always take things too far.” - CJR

“I don’t know I wash’t looking at his face.” - Panzer Kaput

“When I said, ‘Losing its head’, I was talking about the beer, you idiot … “   - Joakim Strom

“That’s not the head I was looking for.”  - The Beastie

“Look at the head on that!” - Michael Awdry

“How about another cold one for my pal Hideoshi, here?” - Archduke Piccolo

Do you want a head on your beer? - Dave Docherty

“Better make that a pitcher.” - Baconfat

Otaro began to realize that he had entirely misinterpreted Ilsa’s desire for a beautiful foamy head.  - Conrad Kinch

“Sake for me, my friend would like something with a little more body.” - Anonymous

“Thanks, but there is already enough head on my beer.” - Dux Homunculorm

“Well, for your information Genzis, mare’s milk doesn’t have a head on it!” - Andrew Myatt

“Sorry, Tetsu, cash only.”  - Donald Cameron

Friday, April 18, 2014

Last Three Days For The Caption Contest and Some Silly Film Recommendations

Good morning my lords and ladies:

Sadly, I have no pictures of my own of toy soldiers to show you, so I hope this image from yesterday's MOD UK news suffices.  The caption reads “courtesy of HQ London District who are gearing up for the Queen's Birthday Parade which will be held on Saturday, 14 June 2014, on Horse Guards Parade.”  I would be there but I’ve already promised Ms. Padre that we will be in Stratford (ON) watching a play on that day, it being our anniversary and all.

It has been very quiet here of late, I admit, and I hope you will pardon me on account of the Great Grad School Crunch.   In the last ten days I’ve churned out 8,000 words of highfalutin’ academic nonsense, which weighs in at two twenty page essays in double spaced 12 point type.   I’ve talked learnedly about interwar pacifism as a social movement within the United Church of Canada and about why Darren Aronofsky’s big budget film Noah is an example of a post-secular cultural product.  Yes, I know, riveting stuff.  I have until Easter Monday to complete and turn in my last paper of the term, on the history and significance of changes to Canadian Forces Chaplain cap badges as markers of religious and cultural identity.  Actually, that will be the fun one.  The pacifism paper was fun.  The Noah paper was a sheer bloody grind.

Mind you, I quite recommend the Noah film, because I’m not really sure what to make of it and I’d welcome your thoughts.  It seems designed to have something for believers and non-believers, and it is certainly an odd sort of biblical epic - more of an apocalyptic environmental fable, really, and I’m not sure it did the Icelandic Tourist Board any favours.   I must admit to being quite fond of The Watchers, a race of fallen angels who look like a cross between The Thing from the Fantastic Four, Peter Jackson’s Ents, and Michael Bey’s Transformers.  If you’re wondering how the ark got made, these guys provided the labour and the heavy lifting, apparently.


Speaking of films, I also recommend the Wes Anderson film, Grand Budapest Hotel.  Fans of the Interwar Period and Pulp and the 1930s in general may find it fun simply for the period atmosphere and for the slice of Central Europe (Zubrowka) that Anderson mostly invents.  Did you know that the paper read across the Zubrowkan Sudetenwaltz is The Trans-Alpine Yodel).   It’s also very funny with a terrific cast.

Finally, please note that if you haven’t entered the Mad Padre Wargames 100,000 page view competition, you have a few more days to do so.  All the instructions are here.  Stanley the Cat tells me he is quite impressed with the many captions submitted thus far.   Here you can see him pondering how he will cast his ballot while assisting me with my James Bond villain impression (“Do you expect me to talk?” “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.”).  He’s a thoughtful and talented chap, is young Stanley.  Now, my dear friend Edwin King has suggested that these blog competitions are  merely cynical attempts to drive up stats, and that may be true, even if it is a shockingly bleak view of the world.   

 Truth be told, I don’t put a lot of faith in stats, as I don’t really understand them, though they are interesting to follow.   I  noticed, for example, that my last post on an obscure German board game called Friedrich generated over 600 page views, when a typical post here is lucky to get 150.    I am sure it is all in the title and what people choose to click on during Google searches.   I leave that sort of thing to Stanley to figure out.   Anyway, you have until the end of Sunday to get your entries in, and on Monday, essay permitting, I’ll figure it all out with my fellow judges.

Speaking of Sunday, if Easter is something you observe, may I wish you a happy and blessed journey from the sorrow of the cross to the glory of the empty tomb, the great joy and mystery of our faith.  If that’s not your thing, may I wish you much chocolate.   Of course, if Easter is your thing, and you like chocolate too, well Hurrah!



Monday, April 7, 2014

Playing Friedrich - the Boardgame


Saturday night last I managed to talk James (Rabbitman) Manto and our friend Mike (Weirdy Beardy) into leaving the minis along and trying my new boardgame Friedrich.  

Friedrich is a German/English game by Richard Sivél, who lives in Berlin, German and designs games when he’s not busy being a geological engineer.  Friedrich was first published in 2006.  My copy is a third edition issued last year to commemorate Frederick’s 300th birthday.  He also has a game out called Maria, about the War of the Austrian Succession.

Friedrich can be described as a point-to-point movement game and as card management game, for 3-4 players.  It is set in the summer of 1756.  The Prussian player has the advantages of interior lines, a large army, a second small army (Hannover) and the largest hand of cards, and has to use those advantages to fend off Austria, Russia, France, the Empire and Sweden.  These opponents are played by 2-3 others.  The “allies” are forbidden from attacking one another, and all have their individual victory conditions (the Prussian player mostly has to survive).  The allies have smaller numbers of cards.  While the Prussian player is always in supply while defending the homeland, the allies are dependent on their supply trains, and have to protect them, or else armies tend to disappear.

Players who want a sophisticated war-game won’t get it here.  There are two types of units, Generals (the round counters above) and Supply Trains (the smaller square counters above).  Generals are named after historic personages but don’t have any special ratings, so Frederick behaves the same as Subise or Fermor or any other general on the board.  Generals can lead up to 8 strength points, and fight when they come into contact with an enemy general on an adjacent area.   Combat is basically a card game, with players adding to their combat scores and detracting from their opponent’s scores by taking turns playing cards.  If you look at the picture above, you’ll notice that the map above it is divided into squares, each showing one of the four card suits.  When a player is in combat, they can only play cards of the suit of the square where their general is.  If you run out of cards of that suit during the battle, you are in trouble (hence the card management aspect).

In our first game we found that while Prussia’s situation appears pretty dire, it actually has a very strong position.  James and I went in hard after Mike and ended up with bloody noses in the first turn.  Lacking a fourth player, the first controls Prussia/Hannover, the second France/Austria/Empire, and the third Russia/Sweden.  It would have been more fun with a fourth player.  We didn’t have time for more, but I think a good time was had by all.   Recommended for fans of the SYW (the board alone would be an excellent player aid for a miniatures campaign) and for those who like a stiff gaming challenge.

Still lots of time to play the Mad Padre Wargames caption competition.

Blessings to your die rolls (and card draws).






Friday, April 4, 2014

Russians And Their Real Estate

First, if you haven’t heard about the contest in my last post, check it out here.

Before embarking on term papers this week, I managed to finish my first sprue of Plastic Soldier Company 15mm Soviets in Summer Uniform, a platoon’s worth.

I used a rapid painting technique that I learned of on The Guild.   I used my airbrush to spry the lot in Vallejo  RAL 7028 German Dark Yellow Surface Primer, then painted the pants in Vallejo Russian Uniform, the helmets in VJ Russian Green, and when the other bits were done, gave the lot a quick brush with Army Painter Soft Tone.

The bases are from 4Ground, the same size as Battlefront medium bases, so they’ll fit in with my BF figures.  Seeing as the bases were a lovely green, I didn’t want to texture and cover the whole lot, I just gave them a bit of flocking.  I quite like the prone LMG team with the No. 2 man ready to swap out the magazine.  When the whole box is assembled, I’ll have at least one SMG platoon with the rifle platoons.

Command stand., with an intrepid female nurse.  There is a nurse with each of the five sprues in the box, so I’m not sure my company will need five female nurses - that’s a lot of intrepid nurses.  I don’t think I positioned the officer’s arm properly.


And of course they need a part of the rodina to defend.  Three 4Ground buildings - their 15S-EAW-111 Pre-Painted Eastern European Log Timber Houses with Lean-tos.  

These went together quite well, once I got a few things figured out, and didn’t require any cutting.  The parts came off the sprues with a gentle touch, and fit together easily with just a little white glue.  I haven’t assembled any 4Ground kits before, and would quite happily invest in more of their products.

The roofs lift off quite easily and the buildings can hold several stands of infantry.

So now the Russians have something to fight for.  I only have four more sprues of these little blighters to put together, and then a punch up with James Manto’s early war Germans will be just what the doctor ordered.


These figures bring my 2014 totals to:

28mm Mounted: 10

28mm Foot: 22

28mm Artillery: 1

15mm Vehicles: 4

15mm Foot: 26

15mm Buildings: 3

6mm Buildings/Terrain Pieces: 2

Kilometres Run:  344

Blessings to your brushes!


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

It's A Contest! Celebrating 100K Page Views For Mad Padre Wargames

As I announced yesterday, this blog has now had more than 100,000 page views, many of them not by me!   I love the generosity of the wargaming blogosphere, and so I’ve decided to celebrate that spirit and your interest in my blog with a competition.

It’s a caption competition and here’s how it works.    Below are three images.  Each image needs either a caption or some brief imagined dialogue, which you supply.

Every caption or dialogue you supply is worth one entry for the prizes.  You can make one attempt per image, so if you provide a caption or dialogue for all three images, that’s three entries.  Submit your entries in the form of comments to this post, making it clear which of the three images your caption or dialogue pertains to.

You get a bonus entry for being a follower of this blog.

You get a bonus entry for putting a link to this contest on your blog, and for sending me the URL to your page with the link.

So, if you try to do something funny for each of the three images, plus you’re a follower, and you send me the URL for your link to this competition, that gives you FIVE entries.


Here are the three images.

1) This image was originally a cartoon by the late R.A. Lowry, who was a renowned rock journalist and cartoonist.  Some of you may remember the British magazine Punch, which, like Mr. Lowry, is sadly no more.   Lowry’s cartoons often appeared in Punch, and his cartoons sometimes had a military history angle.   I’ve removed the original caption from this cartoon.  

For one entry, supply your own caption. 



2) This shot recently appeared here, showing a plucky French resistance lass confronting a visibly annoyed German aviatrix.  For one entry, supply your caption OR dialogue.


3) I painted these figures last year and submitted them to the Analogue Hobbies 2013 Challenge.  For one entry, supply your own caption or dialogue.


Prizes and Prize Selection:

There are three prizes.    

The first prize is a $40.00 (Canadian) gift certificate redeemable at the online store for J&M Miniatures.   The proprietor, my friend James Manto, has kindly agreed to throw in free shipping.  J&M has a great selection of products, and I would be very happy for his business to get a little bit of a push.

Second prize is this 28mm  jolly decent chap from Bob Murch’s Pulp Figures.  The winner can have him unpainted, or I’ll paint him to the winner’s specifications.



Third prize is this GW Lord of the Rings figure, Beregond, from my spares box.   The winner can have him unpainted, or I’ll paint him to the winner’s specifications.


The contest closes at 23:59hrs EST on Easter Sunday, April 20th.   On Easter Monday I’ll total the number of entries per participant, and do a draw for these three fine prizes.   As always, Stanley the Cat will act as scrutineer

But wait, that’s not all!   I am going to turn on comments moderation as of now and will not post any submitted captions or dialogue until Easter Monday, when I’ll put the lot up.  Ms. Padre, Stanley and I will pick what in our expert and sage opinions is the funniest and cleverest caption or dialogue, and award the author a fabulous mystery prize!  Please note that if any of you lot send cans of tuna or catnip mice to Stanley, I go through the post before he does and I will intercept your bribes!

OK, clear as mud?  If you have any questions, leave them in the form of a comment and I’ll answer them.  Otherwise, the three of us are looking forward to what you come up with.




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