News From The Diplomacy Front: The Daily Dissembler, Fall 1901

For those of you following the current Diplomacy game being hosted here, I have introduced a media presence in the game so players can agitate, foment, and tell outrageous lies to each other and to the world.  I of course will only comment within standards of the highest journalistic integrity.  Orders for the Fall 1901 Turn are due this Saturday at midnight EDT and results should be published sometime the following day, 

The Daily Dissembler, Special European Gazette Issue, September 11, 1901

We make sense of a complicated, far-off world so you, dear reader, can enjoy the Gilded Age.

Since our readers have requested an easy-to-digest map of the European situation, which appears to grow more complex with each passing day, the Dissembler offers this map showing current troop and fleet movements:

Movements at the end of the Spring 1901 Turn.

 

Dateline:  Constantinople

 

 

 A view of the Haliç, the main Turkish navy base on the Golden Horn. At left some of the yard buildings; at right, the stately offices of the Ottoman Navy Ministry.  Incredibly, these buildings appeared closed and empty when our correspondent visited.  If the antique warship seen here is any indication of Turkish naval might, the Sultan will need a navy in a hurry.

After several weeks of seeking an interview, our correspondent in the Balkans, Thaddeus Scribbler, has received the following curt message.  “The Turkish Navy regrets that it is unable to provide a comment on the recent conflict in the Black Sea.  This is because many senior personnel are in discussion with a major naval power about a proposed transfer of shipbuilding technology."

When Mr. Scribbler visited the Naval Ministry buildings, the only staff member at the admiralty who offered a comment said "Sorry love, I'm just the cleaner..."

In the absence of any Turkish comment, we are forced to agree with Russia’s claim of a victory in the Black Sea, though we note that both navies have returned to their ports to lick their wounds.   Will a rematch occur soon?   Sources in America confirm that the naval architects of Keels and Deals Inc, of Bangor, Maine, have been actively lobbying the Turks for a large contract.  The company’s motto is “Getting sunk is a pain, Just ask Spain.  The choice is plain, Buy your navy from Maine."

Dateline:  Rome

From Our Correspondent Ernest Harrington

 

"In the pursuit of news This Reporter sometimes has to visit establishments that are alien to our home readership.  For, among the ruins and palatzios there is a veritable demi monde.

 

"Italy prides itself as being the heir to an ancient civilization; yet in truth it is a young country, barely thirty years old.  Its ministers and officials are cynical and, for the most part, corrupt; it's 'nobility' are jumped-up and eager to curry favour.  This is the country that has forced the Pope into self-imposed imprisonment in the Vatican. There is little honour in the Eternal City.,,

 

"How then should we ready last week's communique from the Foreign Ministry on the international situation?  Your correspondent will look behind the weasel words and report back on the unvarnished truth."

 

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 Our correspondent, Mr. Harrington, getting all the inside news from his contacts in Rome.

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Well, Bill, will that be clear enough for our stuffed-shirt proprietor and his teetotal, stay-at-home circle?  

 

Impress on him the necessity of me having an expenses account that is both generous AND pays out in good time!!  

 

These taverns and low-grade gambling dens are alright for meeting low-level clerks, but they KNOW NOTHING!  If you want scoops from Ministers and the Nobility we must (repeat MUST!) get some high-class whores and cardinals on the payroll.  They will NOT be cheap!

 

And send some more cases of Cuban cigars!

 

Ernest

Dateline:  Columbus, OH.

At a recent campaign stop, President McKinley vowed that in the event of further hostilities on the Continent, his administration would not put American boots on the ground in Europe.  

“That’s simply not in the cards,” said the President.   “Neither are airstrikes, because we don’t really have that capability, though there are these local fellas, the Wright brothers, that we are watching with interest.  Maybe in twenty or thirty years they’ll actually invent a way to put a man in the air.  We’re hopeful, and this administration will continue to promote America’s future in technology, unlike my opponent."